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How Cold Is It?

An annotated thermometer in degrees F

  • 60 F
    Californians put on sweaters (if they can find one in their wardrobe)

  • 50 F
    Miami residents turn on the heat

  • 40 F
    You can see your breath
    Californians shiver uncontrollably
    Minnesotans go swimming

  • 35 F
    Italian cars don't start

  • 32 F
    Water freezes

  • 30 F
    You plan your vacation to Australia
    Minnesotans put on T-shirts
    Politicians begin to worry about the homeless
    British cars don't start
    Your boogers freeze

  • 25 F
    Boston water freezes
    Californians weep pitiably<
    Minnesotans eat ice cream
    Canadians go swimming

  • 20
    You can hear your breath
    Politicians begin to talk about the homeless
    New York City water freezes
    Miami residents plan vacation further south

  • 15
    French cars don't start
    You plan a vacation in Mexico
    Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you

  • 10
    Too cold to ski
    You need jumper cables to get the car going

  • 5
    You plan your vacation in Houston
    American cars don't start

  • 0
    Alaskans put on T-shirts
    Too cold to skate

  • -10
    German cars don't start
    Eyes freeze shut when you blink

  • -15
    You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo
    Arkansans stick tongue on metal objects
    Miami residents cease to exist

  • -20
    Cat insists on sleeping in your pajamas with you
    Politicians actually do something about the homeless
    Minnesotans shovel snow off roof
    Japanese cars don't start

  • -25
    Too cold to think
    You need jumper cables to get the driver going

  • -30
    You plan a two week hot bath
    The Mighty Monongahela freezes
    Swedish cars don't start

  • -40
    Californians disappear
    Minnesotans button top button
    Canadians put on sweaters
    Your car helps you plan your trip South

  • -50
    Congressional hot air freeze
    Alaskans close the bathroom window

  • -80
    Hell freezes over
    Polar bears move south
    Green Bay Packer Fans put on their shirts.

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