Hey Car Dude!

I just got me a cool new ride and I really want to spiff it up. I had flames painted on the side with those really mean looking eyes. I put dingle balls around the windshield, a pair of extra large fuzzy dice and one of those little doggies with the head that goes up and down for the back window. I had lights glued to my new rims but I had to take them off because the wires kept getting twisted. What else can I do to really dress it up and make it stand out?

Pimping in Pomona

Dear Pimping,

WOW!!! It sounds like you have a really neat car. Maybe you can send me a picture of it. Anyway, there is one thing you can add to your car to really make it stand out. You can replace those plain white headlights with a set of red headlights. They are so cool you'll need to keep your heater on full blast to keep from freezing. In fact, the Police really love them. So much so that if you flash them at a passing patrol car, he'll be sure to stop and say hello.

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Dear Auto Man

I took my car to my mechanic because it started making this humming sound. After he checked it out he said the reason my car was humming was because it didn't know the words. I asked him how I could teach it the words and he admitted he didn't know. So, my question is, how can I teach my car to talk?

Humming in Hawaii

Dear Humming,

I don't think I can help you with this. You'd be better off taking your car to a voice coach to teach it to vocalize.

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Mr. Mechanic,

I took my car into the shop for my regular oil change and they said the inside of my engine is very dirty and needs to be cleaned. He wants to charge me $638.00 to do this. I don't have this much and I'm wondering if I can do this myself. Please help!!

Dirty in Detroit

Dear Dirty,

You are right, that is a lot of money to spend on cleaning the inside of your engine. You can do it yourself for a lot less money. It means mixing a special cleaning solution yourself, but it's really easy to do.

Here's what to do. First get a two-quart measuring cup. Pour one quart of water in it and then add six ounces of beach sand, four ounces of iron filings, four ounces of crushed glass and a pinch of course copper powder. Drain the oil from your engine and remove the oil filter and throw them away.

Take a new oil filter and hollow it out and install it on the engine. Now take one pound of powdered chlorine (if you have a pool you probably have some already) and pour it into the oil filler. Add the solution you made up, stirring it well before you pour it in. Now add water to the fill mark on the dipstick and start the engine.

In about thirty minutes the inside of your engine will be clean as a whistle. Drive it around like that for about 500 miles and then drain everything out and you'll be good to go.

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Dear Auto Repair Lady,

My transmission has started to slip something fierce. Can it be fixed or do I need to get it completely rebuilt?

Slipping in Missislippi

Dear Slipping,

"Auto Repair Lady"? Wait a minute, let's talk this over. Anyway, most times, I would say at least half the time, when a transmission starts to slip, it doesn't need to be rebuilt. You may have a clutch belt that has gone bad. The first thing I would do is replace the clutch belt and see if that fixes it. I would take the old clutch belt off and take it to the parts store to be sure you get the right clutch belt for your car.